The Gentle Art of Being Hated

I find myself now in a situation where I regularly encounter people from my recent past who hate me. They have their reasons. To be honest, I don't like them either. So we see each other at public functions where we are both there for professional reasons. There is no danger of an angry encounter occurring because we are too civilized and too self-interested for that to happen.

Yet there is a tension that is enhanced by the fact that I sit at the front of the room and they sit at the back. I am being watched and they have to look at me.

Who suffers more?

I suspect (and hope) they do because they are, no doubt worrying, that I am going to muscle-in on what they have long perceived as their territory. I think they are wrong about it being their territory, but I certainly am there. It must bother them to have to look at the head of the hated one. I hope so. At this point I am largely free of them except at such events. If only we could become strangers, but memory is not that kind and they are unlikely to be blinded.

Long ago, as the result of childhood taunts, I developed a fairly thick skin for animosity directed towards me. I can look straight through those I no longer wish to engage with and simultaneously generate the necessary disdain. This requires little energy on my part. It has become an instinctive survival strategy for someone who wishes neither to hide or to fight.

The cycle of these public non-meetings will continue for the foreseeable future. I am already used to it.

-Adam Markus 9/29/07

Speed Racer

The original Japanese version of the Speed Racer song is much better than the English version. Compare for yourself:
Japanese Version
English Version
For further Speed Racer fun, GO GO GO.

Yes

Yes, I was in Midtown.

No, I didn't see anything immediately.

Yes, it effected me.

No, I didn't know anyone who died, but I did tell a group of people what was going on and one of them had a father who worked there.

No, I don't feel guilty about telling her. Someone would have soon enough. I was the one with the radio.

Yes, I was traumatized. Anyone there who had not ever been in such a place would be.

Yes, I still think about it.

Adam Markus
September 11, 2007

THE EARTH IS AN APPLE

You think it is sweet? Maybe, it depends where and when you bite it.

You think that it is sour? Maybe you can't appreciate its citric character.

You rather have it covered in cinnamon and sugar or caramel? Maybe you are averting your gaze from the underlying reality.

You think it is firm, but maybe it will be mush.

You think it is green or red, but maybe that is just the way you are looking at.

What of its shape? Maybe that really depends on where you are looking at it.

So what can we say of this apple? It is all there is for us. The rest is commentary and the dreams of bewildered fruit pickers.

Adam Markus, September 10, 2007